appreciating the habit of randomness

formerly envinyatar15

intro / link post
lady on a horse
If you've found your way here, then hello and welcome!

FYI, this LJ used to be called envinyatar15.

My fic can be found here:

Blue Memories, my website, which features all fic that I deem readable; and

my fic community at InsaneJournal, which features all my fic - including the most horrible stuff from years back.

everything at once.
lady on a horse
Manchester is amazing, but right now all kinds of shit are happening at once.

Last week about a square-foot of the ceiling came down.

A couple of days ago we discovered a leak in the wall, with water streaming out of it. The adjacent wall is sporting a massive wet spot, and the electris are in the vicinity. Out of fear of being electrocuted we turn them off as much as possible, which means I have very little internet to speak of.

One of my housemates has a concussion and had to go back to the A&E yesterday; other housemate and I went too so she wouldn't be all on her own. Her condition is constantly going up and down. I'm taking care of walking the dog and other housemate and I are monitoring her to figure out if she needs to go back to hospital or whatever (she is up and about but the fact she hasn't been taking proper care of herself is what landed her back in A&E. I'm hoping it served as a wake-up call but that remains to be seen!)

Last night I also discovered that Paco, the Alaskan Malamute mix I used to take care of, died almost exactly a year ago. Cue regret, guilt-tripping, missing him & the family I lost. I haven't seen them or talked to them in four years. Emotionally I'm going back several years into my past, revisiting the shame of having a depression, wanting to take responsibility but emotionally not being able to. (Yes, I understand that it was triggered by the depression and I did as much about it as I could. Doesn't mean that I don't fervently wish it could have been different, especially as I thought I had time to make my peace with family and see Paco again. I can't. It's too late. He's gone.)

so it seems i've moved countries...
lady on a horse
So you may or may not know that I live in Manchester for the next year.


I'm ridiculously pleased about basically everything.

This upcoming weekend I'll spend in London attending the BFI preview of Merlin, sleeping at lazy_daze's while simultaneously trying to keep up with the matching process over at spn_j2_xmas (sign-ups are open until Thursday. Come on, you know you want to!).

The weekend after I'll spend in London sleeping at damejulie's because she's a bright spot in my life and I miss her faaaace.

Oh yes, and somewhere in between I'll attend uni. But who am I kidding, that's not really what I'm here for anyway, is it? *manic, crazed grin*

BFI Merlin & ETA Manchester in ten, nine, eight days...
lady on a horse
Oh God, why is moving so busy? It ain't easy going to a different country! kabal42, lysanatt and I haven't managed to get a house together so I'm in a flatshare for now, but we're on it. So many other things went wrong while we were in Manchester as well; it was incredible. We're a determined bunch though so I'm hopeful it'll all work out!

And now I saw that there's a BFI screening of Merlin after all, and I WANT. I'm in the right country for once! But of course booking is only available to BFI members. Anyone know anyone who could hook me up??? kabal42 and I really want this and I don't know if I have the chance next year what with Erasmus officially only lasting nine months and what-not. Anyone?

At least lazy_daze and I managed to talk about how to run spn_j2_xmas 2011 this year when I was down in London. Watch that space in September when we'll start sign-ups! :D

Back to relaxing with some more Doctor Who...

Oh morphology, how I would love thee if just I'd attended class more!
Sally Salter, she was a young teacher who taught,
And her friend, Charley Church, was a preacher who praught;
Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught.

His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk;
And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk;
While she in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk.

In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke,
To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke,
So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke.

The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole;
At the feet where he wanted to kneel, and he knole;
And he said, "I feel better than ever I fole."

(This is to say, last exam on Monday and then I expect to be back in the fandom circus... Wish me luck!)

ETA: Another gem of a quote from the text I'm reading in preparation, in turn quoting novelist Marguerite Yourcenar: Grammar, with its mixture of logical rule and arbitrary usage, proposes to a young mind a foretaste of what will be offered to him later on by law and ethics, those sciences of human conduct, and by all the systems wherein man has codified his instinctive experience. I'm snorting my way through this one! Wonderfully dry humour all through it, though I can't say I'm explicitly gaining new linguistic insight.

ETA2: This time from the author himself (for the record, Steven Pinker in The Language Instinct, chapter 5): Since the Sony Walkman was introduced, no one has been sure whether two of them should be Walkmen or Walkmans. (The nonsexist alternative Walkperson would leave us on the hook, because we would be faced with a choice between Walkpersons and Walkpeople.) OH EM GEE. *giggles shamelessly*

once again a resounding "owww" from me.
I spent the weekend at my aunt's without internet, kicking off the long, slow and awkward process of saying goodbye to the people here before I leave for Manchester. Before I went offline I wanted to tell y'all to not break the internet, play safe, yadda yadda yadda.

Instead I proceeded to break myself over the weekend. Yesterday I repeatedly bashed my head in. With my forehead I ran into a street sign - and the pointy end at that - and later that same day I crashed against a doorframe made of stone from below from which I actually received a tiny wound right on top of my head. I didn't tell anyone at first because hey, I'd already run into that street sign, but once I found blood on my hand when I was feeling up the bump... Well.

On top of that I've now got a cold as well. Hooray, what with having to juggle two jobs this week plus uni! I think I'll just watch some Queer as Folk (US version) to educate myself. Still LOL'ing over the fact that someone from my GLBT class tried to tell me the show hadn't been intended for adult audiences... Even without having ever watched it I knew better. Unrelatedly, I am also LOL'ing over the fact that in HBP, when Harry voices his belief that Severus Is Up To Something Death-Eatery and Remus jumps to Severus's defence, Remus's words are framed with a Christmas love song. What. The. Fuck. Shippity-ship-ship! :D

the things you could have done different...
Today was the first of two days I spend at a school to conduct a study on with fifteen year-olds. It was fun; my group of ten students was reduced to just six, so the atmosphere was nice, almost intimate. The school's coordinator who was supposed to work with us and prepare the stuff we needed was, of course, totally clueless even though she'd received a manual, which isn't good, but whatever. I have to try to fix a date for further tests for the missing students since attendance was less than 90%, so hopefully she'll know by then what we need from her.

The most surprising thing about today? I actually liked being behind the teacher's desk. I never thought I could like that. Interesting.

No words.
lady on a horse
Great. Now I want to write read Kurt/Blaine fic set in fin de siècle London that explores the conceptualisation of same-sex desire at the time with Kurt and Blaine serving to illustrate the conflation of gender identity and sexual identity as perceived by the medico-legal discourse. Cue angst. *facepalm*

Thank you, Oscar Wilde, for messing up my life. (Just another couple of pages and I'm through with this essay. Yay!)

a random Saturday afternoon update: state of the Jules
lady on a horse
I've finally filled out my organ donor card. Yay!

Also, The Picture of Dorian Gray is a nightmare to write about because the narrative is just so multi-layered. You have a critique of Victorian values through aestheticism but at the same time the text problematises the nature of its own reading; it insists that art cannot influence its reader into action, but Dorian's own reading (of the "yellow book" that's so "poisonous") makes him act out his impulses. Or something. I don't know. It poses a bit of problem for me because I can't very well ignore one of these aspects, now can I? *sigh* Well, just six more pages till tomorrow evening and then I'm done with this for the time being, even though it's so damn interesting. And the degeneration part I've got to delve into now is easier to deal with than discussing the text's decadence since I've already written a shorter essay on that aspect. I wish I had more time to really get into this but alas, apparently that's not what anyone expects from me, judging from my grades. What I do totally satisfies my professors in every aspect even though nothing has satisfied me quite yet (except maybe my presentation on Jane Austen's reception history and presence in pop culture. That one was excellent, if I may say so myself). /academic blah

It's hot outside and I don't have the time to enjoy it! This is a pity because who knows how well Manchester will treat me weather-wise? I should make the best of my remaining time in Berlin. Not today though... ESSAY. NOW.

Hours later: And now I've drunk too much coffee to actually concentrate on my arguments. AHAHAHA OH WTF.

rec post 3/2011 (Glee, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, Merlin, Merlin RPS, Sherlock)
lady on a horse
This is a dump of stuff I managed to write up recs for over the past, yes, four or so months. I've decided to post them so I can kill the remaining time before the So You Think You Can Dance livestream. No, I don't know either. My life is weird. Also, I'm a sad excuse for a fandom participant. Anyway.

cut because this got a tad bit too long...Collapse )

New York, New York...
lady on a horse
Glee 2x22 (spoiler)Collapse )

ETA: This was actually my first experience watching a livestream, which meant a) I watched it alongside everybody else! and b) I went in completely spoiler-free. Not that there was much to be spoiled about - from what I could see there wasn't a lot floating about - but usually when I get up in the morning I click on episode reactions because waiting for the download to finish is boring and I'm impatient and want to know. Not so this time obviously. What a fascinating experience :D

lady on a horse

Also, two other things:

GLBT fail and homophobia. In my Queer Studies class. By a student who takes it. I kid you not.Collapse )

Also, Berlin's public transport has not been working today due to a fire in the electric cables at Ostkreuz, which is a major S-Bahn station and, uh, change point between numerous lines. Which resulted in:
- the circle line being in partial, majorly disrupted service not serving multiple stations, at times running every 30 mins at most;
- the central lines crossing from east to west being majorly disrupted, later not working at all;
- regional train services through the city centre being diverted around the city and entering it from the north instead of the south-west o.O
- all other services being delayed, and this includes not just the S-Bahn but also the U-Bahn (tube), tram and bus services.


I think about maybe 25% of all students made it to class on time this morning for classes scheduled for 10am. I was one of those lucky 25% but only because I left the flat 20 minutes early since I'd heard about the disruptions (which is not easy in the mornings when you haven't planned for such a disruption) and walked to the next stop. On high-ish heels. Which wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience, let me tell you.

What an interesting day.

lady on a horse
I am now attempting to catch a BBC One livestream to watch the BAFTA Television/Television Craft Awards (whatever their official name is). To remind you: Sherlock is up in numerous categories and I have already been spoiled (intentionally) by the BAFTA twitter. Don't go there if you want to be surprised. Go there if you want to know.

Anything to help me procrastinate on the GLBT essay, which is dry dry dry (concerning how GLBT identities were seen coming out of the nineteenth century up to the fifties and the Lavender Scare - sexology! I could drop Oscar Wilde's name in there! Heh. So actually yes, this is interesting, but summing this up in three-four pages isn't quite my thing. Ah well.). Also, a thunder storm is coming, and I DON'T LIKE THUNDER STORMS YO. Hopefully I can catch sight of Mr Cumberbatch and his sparkly shoes of awesome! That would distract me from the sounds.

random fact of the day
lady on a horse
There is a World RPS Society.

Can you imagine my boggling?

Sadly it's not what my mind wanted it to be. It's the World Rock Paper Scissors Society (of which Sam and Dean should totally be members, y/y?). Quite the unfortunate name choice there. *grins*

Sometimes my job in TV is fantastic, yo, if we've got clips like this.

lady on a horse
It looks like I've got a new student job in research. I'm supposed to conduct a study at a few schools in Berlin, either in sixth or in ninth grade. It's short-term but I think it's gonna look good on my CV, yay. I've just no idea how to work out a schedule with my regular TV job and uni, so this is going to be interesting...

Things with the flatmate are looking up. I briefly thought I had an RL breach on LJ, which would have been awkward (she used to have an LJ too, my fandom presence is no secret whatsoever, but considering my recent post about the situation... well), but apparently not. More yay!

Aside from that... Not much is happening. I feel kinda bad about not having to say much these days. Blogging is weird without having fic to post! It's been so long. Anyway, I'm glad the TV season is drawing to a close. Only True Blood and White Collar from June onward...!

lady on a horse
I... kind of feel like New Directions and the Warblers should be up on that stage for the Eurovision Song Contest. Um.

Anyway, Germany in two songs!!!

ETAs behind cutCollapse )

gleeful considerations
lady on a horse
Well, I obviously lied about Frankenstein. Instead I have Glee offerings. (I don't want to talk about the fact that I'm so excited when a new episode is coming up. I will talk about the fact that it's all thanks to Blaine and the awesomesauce that is Kurt/Blaine. Well, unless the showrunners are busy temporarily assassinating a character and/or fucking up difference. Anyway.)

Without further ado: a few recs, all Blaine and/or Kurt-related in some form or other. Oh, and also, RPS. You know how I roll. I'm shameless.

To preface this: I haven't read a lot of meta on Glee, but in connection to a series of fics I've read by rm (link below) I stumbled upon their blog and an especially illuminating piece which, among other things, talks about "Raise Your Glass", a song the Warblers sing at Regionals and which I'm stupidly in love with. I didn't quite realise why that might be until this blog post hit me over the head with it. I'm not a pop culture scholar, so I can't pretend any analysis I do is very deep or very interesting - and to be honest most of the time that's not my goal, even though I keep thinking about what Glee does on so many levels at the moment - but this astute observation on "Raise Your Glass" really resounded with me.


Troubles 'verse by rusting_roses, starting here. Ongoing series, gen with developing Blaine/Kurt, PG-13, currently at ~87,600 words (!), updated regularly as far as I can tell. The author does an impressive job at canon-weaving, fleshing out the story of Kurt and Blaine so believably that even the character inconsistencies that we see in the show are moved into perspective and become part of a greater picture. I'm very taken with this series. It gives me a picture that I can trust and believe in, which is no small feat considering we're talking about Glee here.

Following Home and sequels by rm, Blaine/Kurt, NC-17 overall, ~31,800 words. This is future!fic in which Kurt and Blaine move to Boston together to attend college. It's such a lovely and realistic exploration of what it means to live together and mature together. Insightful and real in the best way possible.

See My Future In You by miss_begonia, Blaine/Kurt, NC-17, ~2,700 words. For me this is a perfect coda to the recent Prom Queen episode.

Sickness by heroes_and_cons, Blaine/Kurt, PG-13, ~9,050 words. A warning ahead: This will rip your heart out. It's set in 1954, which should tell you something about the context. I can't say more except that it's gorgeous and devastating at the same time. It burnt the heart out of me.

V-Day 'verse by miss_begonia [flocked!], Chris/Darren, NC-17, ~20,900 words. C'mon, just try it! It's equal parts funny and touching and so very real, something I always appreciate and which miss_begonia always has in spades. I usually try to not offer two recs by the same author, but hey, it's at least two not-so-different pairings? :)


lady on a horse
So this is the backlash of all my luck lately. I just fell down the stairs of Grimmauld Place with the laptop in hand. Thankfully nothing except my tailbone was damaged. OWWWWWWW.

Anyway, I need to go check out now after I've got my hands on the newest Glee and then I'm off to the National Theatre Archive to watch After the Dance. Let's see if I can make it in time, yeah?

Normally I'd just reiterate the "OWWWW" here, but I don't really have any grounds to complain, now do I?

short preliminary account of London so far: Frankenstein et al
lady on a horse
The past three days combined have been the most amazing days I've ever spent in London so far (and this is my eighth visit, so this should be saying something). Seriously, I have no idea what I might have done in a previous life to deserve this, but it must have been something hugely wonderful. I have no words for it right now.

I've seen Frankenstein's three last shows, twice on Saturday with Benedict as the Creature, and finally, finally I managed to get a ticket for Jonny's Creature today (got up at 3am, was at the National by 4.15am - the Box Office opens at 9.30am). It's been such a moving experience, added to by the fact that I've met damejulie, who is my new partner in crime for everything Sherlock-related. She's made the experience so much richer; we've basically spent the last three days together and tomorrow we will go to Speedy's on North Gower Street where the facade of Sherlock's 221B Baker Street is located. We've stage-doored both days as well and today I got to talk to Jonny for a moment (I'll go into more detail later, but that short exchange has made my day) - Benedict was way too surrounded by other people; I should have just said what I wanted to say on Saturday, but well, there's no changing that now.

I've also met up with lazy_daze - I roped her into waiting around at the stage door again even though she's not really into that and afterwards we went to her place to watch Supernatural and then we were off to a pub to have food (or I did anyway) and drinks (well, just the one), discussing everything under the sun and the moon.

I will try to put my thoughts on Frankenstein into some semblance of coherence when I'm back home on Wednesday/Thursday at the very latest. Let me just go on record for now saying that it breaks my heart to see the play go.

Holy shit!
lady on a horse


lady on a horse
I was supposed to pack today for my trip to London on Saturday owing to the fact I'm gonna spend the days between at my mum's (we're gonna watch the royal wedding, don't judge me!), but I've been hanging out with my flatmate instead. I've just convinced her to finally download Sherlock :)

Aside from that, I've been channelling my obsessiveness on to Glee's Darren Criss since fourfreedom's account of his adorableness. I liked him a lot before - and Blaine's storyline with Kurt! - but ahaha, what an apparently wonderful guy :D Obviously I'm not so much after him since apparently only Benedict Cumberbatch can manage that for me these days, but I was briefly looking at flights to London to see if I could manage to get to the Glee tour shows in London in June. Alas, I remembered just in time that I will hopefully get tickets for the Olympics which I have to pay for as well, plus there's still that thought of attending DiaCon Alley in July (HP conference in Canterbury) AND the fact that I have to fly to Manchester before I move there in September in order to have a look at flats/houses with lysanatt and kabal42, if all goes well. DAMN. But it would be seriously ridiculous if I were to fly to the UK FIVE TIMES in the same year as I will move there, no?

family, london, benedict cumberbatch: not such a surprising mixture.
lady on a horse
Okay, my hotel room for London is confirmed, now I only have to figure out how to make my schedule for Saturday work. It's been keeping me up last night, which wasn't good as some relatives came to visit early this morning. (Of course I immediately managed to build a connection to the couple's seven-year-old grandson, who for the first time in five years ate cherry tomatoes out of my hand. LOOOOOL. We also played at being fighters from Star Wars: Clone Wars. That's all the rage with 6-9yos, isn't it? My little cousins (7 and 9) love it too! I approve. *says the woman with 50+ Star Wars Expanded Universe books on her bookshelves*)

Tentative schedule for Saturday:

6 am - get up
7.15 am - leave for airport
9.30 am - flight from Berlin
10.30 am - arrive at Stansted
11.15 am - luggage reclaim
12.30 pm - arrive at Victoria
12.50 pm - arrive at Grimmauld Place, check in, freshen up
1.15 pm - race off to the National Theatre
1.40 pm - arrive at National Theatre, inquire after Standing Room tickets for the matinee and hopefully get one (unless the NT releases a few more tickets the day before and I manage to snag one)
2 pm - attend matinee of Frankenstein
4 pm - inquire after returned tickets/Standing Room tickets for evening performance of Frankenstein, hopefully get one (unless the NT releases a few more tickets the day before and I manage to snag one)
4.30 pm - leave for Grimmauld Place
5 pm - go and buy stuff at Sainsbury's so I survive the next few days, relax for a bit
6.30 pm - leave for the National Theatre
7.30 pm - attend evening performance of Frankenstein
9.30 pm - performance lets out, walk around the NT building for stage door after a glass of wine or something
10.30 pm - SEE BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH (???) if he comes out to sign stuff

... OH MY GOD WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF. On Sunday I might want to head out to Hampton Court and on Monday - unless I've managed to snag a ticket beforehand - I will have to get up at 3 am, arrive at the NT at 4.30 am and then queue until 9.30 am for a day ticket. WHYYYYYY :( On Tuesday I will probably hang around North Gower St - which is the street the BBC Sherlock uses as its Baker St - then go to the British Museum to see that Afghanistan exhibit, then go shopping (books! DVDs! Clothes!). On Wednesday I'll be heading to the National Theatre Archives to see their recording of After the Dance - with, of course, Benedict Cumberbatch.


Anyway! Hope you all enjoyed such a beautiful Easter weekend as we did here in Berlin! Fabulous weather, I've been running around in tank tops since Friday, which is when I arrived at my mum's, where I've been hanging out ever since.

Amusing anecdote: I was listening to the Glee cast's versions of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance and Pokerface. My mum was hanging out on my bed, as she does, and was a bit confused. Turns out she loves the original songs (which is LOL-worthy in and of itself), so obviously I had to take the chance and show her the Glee videos of the songs. She loved them! I must investigate if Glee's available in German yet. I might have to get the first season for her, heh!

lady on a horse
Aaand as per usual the flatmate and her boyfriend are having sex in the next room, which is just behind a door.

It's quite disturbing to read fic - and the graphic-ish part of it as well - when two people you know quite well are going at it basically right next to you, and your flatmate is also not exactly the quiet sort.


Seriously, how am I supposed to approach this topic? Ah well, the solution will come in September at the latest, I suppose... Just another reason for me to look forward to Manchester!

This is getting somewhat ridiculous. Ah well... (also, London again.)
lady on a horse
I wanted to report that I'd put this paper that's been haunting me for weeks now into the post box. Alas, the printer doesn't cooperate - but it is finished, yay!

Now to decide what to do: listen to another episode of Cabin Pressure, watch Hawking/Van Gogh/that South Pacific documentary (all of which have Benedict Cumberbatch in varying degrees) or read Sherlock fic.

Clearly Benedict Cumberbatch now owns my life, seeing as I'll be flying back to London in two weeks, at what is pretty much the start of the semester, to queue very early in the morning to get Frankenstein tickets (for two performances if I'm very lucky, otherwise just for the very last show which has him as Victor, which I didn't have the chance to see last time a.k.a. four weeks ago) and to see After the Dance at the National Theatre Archives. Apparently there will also be a screening of Island with Colin Morgan on May 1st in Bermondsey, which I'll try to get a ticket for as well. Second long fandom weekend, here I come! Is there anybody who'd like to do any of those events with me? I'll be flying in on April 30th and will be staying until May 4th. I may or may not have pledged some of my time to lazy_daze already, which is always something to squee about. Obviously.

BAM! seems to be the appropriate title for this. (a.k.a., the usual whine about uni.)
lady on a horse
There's that thing I wanna do, instead of that thing I'm supposed to do. That thing I wanna do has got words, lots of them, in meaningful patterns, featuring people and their words and thoughts and actions. And words about the progress of said people's relationship.


Stupid uni. First week back, and I'm sitting here trying to ignore the shiny in my tabs and instead focus on that paper from last semester I have to finish (preferably by tomorrow), before I need to turn to the essay I already have to hand in by Monday (I mean, seriously? SERIOUSLY? Already? It is part of my Queer America course, that makes it bearable, but it's not like that course is all I have to do at the moment!) before there's that Oscar Wilde paper that's waiting for extra credits, and in the meantime I should also start to prepare a scientific research I'm meant to conduct this semester along with reading Heart of Darkness. Then there's also work and preparing for Manchester, though the latter is hardly a chore. (Can it be summer already?)


I'm starting to think this semester is going to kill me ded.


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